Truth be told..

I learned something these past couple weeks.

I learned that sometimes the right choice, is not the easiest. Or the one that you want to make.

Sometimes the best choice hurts.

This is my version of alcohol.
&I could use some of that right now!
;)

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Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah is often known as the 'weeping prophet' because he wept over other sins and judgement when they would not listen to him or take his warning seriously.

How, oh how, did Jeremiah live his life without going crazy!?

These past couple of weeks, I have made some of the toughest decisions of my life.

I have been going through so many things.

I know my blog has been kind of a Debbie-Downer breeding ground lately,

and for that I am truly sorry.

But I believe in order to be your friend, and to be a good blogger,

I need to be honest.

Even when my honesty is as pretty as that DIY you saw on the last blog.

I withdrew from college.

I got kicked out of my house(I'm back now-no worries!).

I suffered through the due date of my baby girl without her.

I fought with my boyfriend.

I cried, Oh man did I cry.

Yet here I am.

I'm okay,

I'm alive,

I'm healthy,

I have all of my needs taken care of,

So why am I fretting over the little things?

I need to be grateful for 

every.single.thing.I.have.

So I wanna begin, by thanking every single reader of this blog.

You are what keeps me going.

I love blogging, but blogging would be nothing

without you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I love all of you!

xoxo Meghan

Please ignore the no-makeup!

P.S. New weekly blog series starting tomorrow!

I believe in a thing called love Part 2

To go along with yesterday's post about Matthew Shephard, I would like to share this video with you.

Think.

Try and feel what they feel.

Try and live like they live.

Try and hurt like they hurt.

It is HARD.

As I have mentioned many times,

my mom is a lesbian,
and my dad was gay.

I had a girlfriend at one point.

It is HARD.

The pain I felt,
the times my friends couldn't stay the night,
the times I got made fun of for my mom's lifestyles,
It was HARD.

Many teenagers use the word
faggot
like it is just another word.
But the one and only time I ever heard someone say it to my dad,
and see the look on his face,
It was HARD.

I want to change the way you think. 

Even if you don't agree, please, I beg of you, respect.

xoxo Meghan


P.S. In other less depressing news, I am heading to Ashland University tonight where I am going to be hanging out with my soulie and listening to some TENTH AVENUE NORTH!
Posts will follow and we will hold off on the sadness for a while!

I believe in a thing called Love part 1

(This has nothing to do with the song I believe in a thing called love, sorry for misleading you!)

I wrote a similar speech for class, and it went so well and my message was so powerful that I wanted to share it here.

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I believe that love is love.

I believe that God loves everyone &

I believe that no one should ever die because of who they love.

I want to tell you a story.

About a young man named Matthew Shepherd. 

He was not much older than you or me, he was 21.

He had traveled abroad with his family.

He was extremely smart, and was studying political science/foreign relations/and languages.

One night 2 men offered him a ride and brutally beat him.

They proceeded to tie him up to a fence post,

where he remained for 18 hours alone in freezing temperatures.

The next morning, a cyclist spotted him, at first mistaking him for a scarecrow.

When help arrived on the scene, they noticed a small deer had nested beside him for what appeared to have been the whole night.

So maybe Matthew was not truly alone during this time.

An eye witness reported that, “Shepherd was beaten so brutally that his face was completely covered in blood, except where it had been partially washed clean by his tears.”

He remained in critical conditions for 5 days, before passing away.

This crime was against everything that Matthew ever was or believed in.

Matthew’s Parents started the Matthew Shephard Foundation to persuade people to think differently, behave differently, and inform others of the importance and value of diversity.

No matter how familiar I am with this story, each time I hear it my heart breaks, and anger builds up inside me.

Our God-My God- loves everyone.

My God does not condone murderers.

My God does not condone hate.

So why, do my God’s followers hate on homosexuals?

Why do my God’s followers judge?

You may not agree with Gay Rights, Gay Marriage, or homosexuality in general, but I bet that you do not believe in murder either. 

I bet you believe this is wrong as much as I do.

I grew up with a lesbian mother.

And a gay father.

What does it matter to you, if she loves a girl or a boy?

It’s all love.

It’s all hers, not yours

You can love whoever you want, and I promise you, I will never judge you. So please give me, my mom, and the rest of humanity,that respect as well.

An extremely popular Lesbian singer, Melissa Ethridge, wrote a song about Matthew called Scarecrow. In her song, she tells you the same story I told you. The songs ends hauntingly with this, 

“Scarecrow crying 

Waiting to die wondering why 

Scarecrow trying 

Rising above all in the name of love”

Sometimes I wish to change my mom, but most of the time, I just wish to change society. 

Change in the mind of bigots. 

Change in the mind of our youth, our ancestors, in everyone around us. 

Change in the mind of our politicians. 

Change in you, and change in me.  

So open your mind and heart to the thought of change, do this for Matthew. 

Change is what will stop this.

You are who you are.

You love who you love.

And that’s just how it is.

It is NOT a choice.

-Judy Shepherd

If you are interested in more information on this topic, his mother wrote a book called, The Meaning Of Matthew.

xoxo Meghan

I was tagged!

This "tag" business has been going around the blogosphere lately,
I got tagged by a new follower!
And I took the chance to do another friends tag questions too.

So I am breaking all the rules because I am lazy :)
I am just going to answer 22 random questions about me!

1) What is your biggest pet peeve?

Loud Chewers! I seriously cringe when I can hear someone obnoxiously eating!

2) If you could do anything in the world and money wasn’t a factor, what would it be? (Job, trip, sport, etc)

Buy an iPad, book a cruise to Europe, Visit there for a couple weeks, and come home :)

3) What is your favorite animal?

Zebra/Owl!

4) Do you know how to swim?

Yes/No

I know how to swim, but I don't like swimming if I can't touch. I'm really short so pretty much anything deeper than 6ft and I won't do it!

5) What is your favorite thing to read about in a blog?

Babies, Love, Crafts!

6) What is your favorite book to read?

Thirteen Reasons Why!

7) What is your favorite electronic device and why?

That I own? Computer

Ever? iPad!

8) What type of shoes do you like to wear more than others?

Moccasins

9) Can you count to 10 in another language?

Spanish

10) What food do you absolutely hate and why?

Anything with mustard! Yuuuck!

11) What is your favorite color?

Turquoise

1. Biggest regret in life?

Not saying goodbye/I love you to my Dad the last time I saw him.

2. What is your best piece of advice?

Love always.

3. Who do you admire most?

My Mom.

4. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep! No doubt about it!

5. If you could be any animal for a day what would it be?

MY puppy!

6. If they made a movie about your life who would play you in it?

Oh geez! Tessa from Suburgatory, just for her lack of humor.

7. What is your favorite quote?

every once in a while, people step up. they rise above themselves, and sometimes they surprise you. sometimes they fall short. life is funny sometimes. it can push pretty hard. but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song, and in the eyes of someone you love. and if you’re lucky, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet; the person you love decided to love you back. –one tree hill  

8. If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Mac and Cheese :)

9. What is your guilty pleasure?

Teen Mom/16&Pregnant.

10. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

5! haha Seriously though, I haven't had an age I'd like to stay at! Probably mid-twenties!

11. If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently?

Not a thing, I am living exactly like I think I should be :)

xoxo Meghan

My Baby

Last Monday,

the 19th,

was my baby girl's due date.

Isobel Arjana

It was a horribly tough day, and the first one on my spring break.

But I got through it.

I'm happy. She's still mine.

I wish I could have her each and every day, 

but I don't want you to start off your week with a sad post about my baby.

Know that she is watching over me, and probably you too. 

I am sure that she is just like her mommy, and cares so much about everyone else in life.

And of course, you all are my friends, so you are her friends too.

Have a good Monday!

Thank you so much for being here, being you, and being my friend.

(I bet Izzy is thanking you too in her own way!)

xoxo Meghan

Last 13 Things(vacation&soulie edition)

Sooooo, I had a total blogger fail.
I wrote this post in Amish Country which was like 2 weeks ago?
I thought I hit Publish, but alas, I did not.
So here you go, weeks late :P

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If you follow me on twitter, then you would know my soulie(Ashlee) and I went on a mini vacation tonight.
To Amish Country.
Helllll yeahhh!

So tonight we are posting together for our last 13 things.
Enjoy! :)


The Last Thing We......

ATE:

BOUGHT:

READ:
Google, trying to figure out if there is indeed a night club in Amish Country.
There is not.

LAUGHED AT:
A)Getting Made fun of at the restaurant(by Amish children and their parents) because we were laughing.
M)While watching Locked Up, The lady is getting all hot&bothered about holding her boo's hands!

COOKED:

Uhhhh, neither of us remember this.
We're lazy.

BAKED:
Read Above.
haha.

CRAFTED:

Inspiration Jars.
Quotes on cute paper in Mason Jars.
Inspired by Jessica!

DROOLED OVER:

Dinner.
Soooo good.
Gosh, we're fatties.

Amish cooking is too good to pass up.

COVETED:
A mini fridge in our hotel room(lame I know).
So we rented one for the night.
Legit.
Best $10 of the day!

THOUGHT:
A)"Holy Moly, These are soooouuurrr"
M)"Yeah, they remind me of Kyle XY...that's all he ate!"
Both referring to Sour Patch Watermelons.
...
This my friends, is why we don't have real life friends!

WORE:
This(:

CRAVED:
A)Waffles, talking about our waffle maker at the continental breakfast tomorrow :)

(I forgot to post this when in Amish Country...so here ya go!)
M) Jalapeno anything, Which is you read above, I got :)

WAS THANKFUL FOR:
A)Windshield Wipers...it was SUPER rainy.
M)Best friends! (Wait, who am I kidding? She is my only best friend!)

No Heat Curls?

Lately these have seemed to be the go-to curling method.

Well, my hair is so thick that it has never kept a curl.

nevernevernever.

Not even with tons of hairspray, not even for prom.

So I decided I may as well try it...what's the worst that could happen?

I used this video:

I tried much tighter curls for mine.

 

You can see me craftin' away with my headband in.

(Crafts shown above will be their own post! haha)

When I woke up the next morning, I was looking a hot mess!

But then I took it out and played around a little bit and got this:

Not only did it look super cute, but it lasted all day and still looked cute in a ponytail!

I will be doing this again for sure! 

I wanna get some thicker headbands so I can try out some different looks. 

Overall I recommend this to anyone and everyone!

Especially if your hair normally doesn't hold a curl :)

xoxo Meghan

Hubs in the Hotseat minus the Hubs

1)What is the one thing your dream home must have?

A Butler who makes endless hot wings.

2) What is your favorite present I've ever given you?

Izzy's Shoes & WWE '12

3) What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?

Video games all day then a date night.
If the weather is nice, be outside.

4) If you could have dinner with one person living or not(but not me), who would it be?

Randy Blythe

5) Who do you think I would choose?

Living: David Desrosiers

Dead: Hitler
[I couldn't have just one! hehe]

6) How many kids do you want?

2, plus Izzy of course :)

7) If you have a boy, do you want to name him after you?

Kinda, Possibly my middle name, Raymond.

8) What's your favorite vacation we've ever been on?

We've never been on a vacation.

9) Describe yourself in one word.

Hungry.

[literally, all the time]

 This is one of my all time favorite pictures of him :)
Gotta Love Disney Headbanz!

Guest Posting Today!

Did you see my Guest Post over at Simply Fabulous today?

Check it out here!

**PRODUCT REVIEW** All Glorious Within

A few weeks ago, I won an awesome giveaway over at 5ohwifey!

One item I got was a super adorable flower hair clip from

 

All Glorious Within.

At first I wasn't sure if I could pull it off or not,
I'm not a flower kind of girl.

But seriously, I love this!

(I can't find a picture of it in my hair...I will keep looking!)
&so does my Soulie :)

I wore mine around on our mini-vacation to Amish Country.
I was getting compliments all day.

People were asking which shop I bought it at and I was thrilled to tell them I got it online,

and it is only $3.50!

She has several different prints, but this is my absolute favorite :)


Thanks L!

xoxo

Meghan

**GUEST POST** Brittany

I am extremely excited to have Brittany share on my blog today. She is so sweet and kind! She does some pretty awesome make up tutorials on her blog, you should check them out :)
She is one of the first people I became friends with in the blog world.
Click on her button over in my sidebar and check her out! --->
xoxo

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Hi Struggling Cyster readers!
My name is Brittany and I blog over at Bee Littlequeen   I write about my single life happenings which covers family, faith, friends, makeup tutorials, craft projects, and any other silly random thoughts that spring up in my head. I was so happy & honored when Meghan asked me if i wanted to do a guest post! I think she is so sincere and cool! Isn't lovely being able to connect with other women through blogging, especially when we may live so far apart? I think so! I love meeting new people, so leave a comment, say hi and if you blog, where you are at & i'll make sure to check it out! :)

Today, I am going to share with you eight random things about me in hopes that you get to know me better, plus I just love being random. It must have to do with my [sometimes] witty, dry sense of humor.

#1
My favorite drink is coffee---hot or cold! I am addicted to starbucks. I go through a rotation of drinks I get there, usually an iced mocha, but if i am being good, i'll get a tall coffee frap light. Besides coffee, i do enjoy  tea, my faves are blueberry or peach iced tea! yummm!

#2
I CANT stand commercials. This means that I'll seriously watch 2-3 shows at one time lol, especially on monday nights right now when gossip girl, hart of dixie and the voice is on at the same time/s!

#3
I LOVE sending or getting old fashioned regular snail mail. I know the postal system may be cutting back on service days :(, but I think I am definitely helping in keeping them busy! I will turn into Kevin Costner of The Postman if the postal system ever becomes extinct! It might sound nerdy of me (but idc), but i get so excited when i get new notecards or postage stamps!

#4
I can wiggle my ears WITHOUT touching them! hahaha. I have to concentrate and try not to laugh when showcasing this odd talent to others.

#5
I am a book worm! I love reading: books,magazines and blogs! :) I've read the entire Hunger Games series and can't wait to see the movie which comes out march 23!! Have any of you read them, what did you think? I thought the books were well written, enticing but really bizarre! For mags: i read People, Family Circle, Allure, O Oprah's magazine the most.

#6
I love color! Colorful would be a great word to describe my personality, my bedroom, my makeup bag and my closet! I usually like wearing bright colored nailpolish on my toes! Two of the walls in my room are a creamy yellow, which remind me of sunny days. Plus, my aunt just sent me a lovely reddish-orange lipstick by M.A.C in lady danger and i love it!

#7
i am an animal lover, especially dogs & horses. Someday I will have a baby dog or two or three. We are not allowed to have pets where I live, so someday soon. I definitely think i got my love for animals for my nana L and my mom.

#8
On pinterest, I pin ideas & things for my 'dream wedding' even though i don't have a boyfriend and am not engaged. Do you think that's silly?

There you have it ladies! A big thank you to Meghan for hosting me! xo

Baby Fever

As most of my readers and friends know,
I have baby fever.
Big time.

I know I'm young and should wait,
but it doesn't change my desire for a baby!

So here to make you smile in the middle of the week are 2 of my favorite baby youtube videos 

:)

xoxo Meghan

Why I blog..

I started blogging as a way to talk to people with PCOS

 (notice the new tab up in pages ^)

That was a flop.

But I still yearned to make a difference.

And I wanted to reach out.

So I decided to post about my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

And look where I am! 

I have such loyal followers and I could not be more thankful.

It is moments like the one below that show me, I am doing something right.

In reference to this post,
my soulie said:

My dear best friend,
I read this quickly through the first time, and just now went back through and read it with tears streaming down my face. This is all so real to me. Suicide is not something to joke about. That week, that car ride, that first phone call, broke my heart. I thank God everyday that i said i loved you that night, I thank God everyday for that pastor in the psych ward I thank God everyday that he allowed you to have another chance at this crazy life. I thank him for giving me my best friend back. I do not know what i would have done without you. I am so in love with the fact you are better now. & i know times get rough but you always pull through. You love with your whole heart and smile bigger than anyone i know. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. i love you meghan, and i am always touched my your story, your journey has just begun. I love you <3

Now do you understand why I love her?

Why no matter what happens, I just have to tell her?
(sometimes even when I know I didn't make her proud)
She is my backbone and always has been.
&as for the night she is talking about up there, I do plan to share for you. 

I promise I will do my best so that you won't be crying at the end of the post,
but honestly, you probably will be.

I love each and every one of my readers. Every comment means the world to me.

I have gotten several comments and emails from strangers as sweet as this one from my BFF.

You really should check out her blog, Sunny With A Chance Of Awkward, she is adorable, and you will understand why I love her so much!

xoxo Meghan


Have you checked out the giveaway over on Ly's Blog?
I am giving away 2months ad space, and there are other lovely ladies giving away some too!

**Guest Post** Stephanie

Today I am having Stephanie post for me! If you follow me on facebook or twitter, you know I have some things going on right now that aren't allowing me to spend as much time on my blog as I would like. I appreciate my friends in the blog world helping me out. <3

 

I found Stephanie shortly after I miscarried when I was desperately trying to find someone who understands how it feels to lose your baby. She is such an amazing person, and Silas is a beautiful baby boy. I encourage you to go to her blog and see what she has to offer :) 

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Hey loves! Meghan has asked me to post a guest post and I'm so excited to join you all! This is a post that I posted when I first started up my blog and I think it's a pretty important post. For those of you who have lost children or you are dealing with someone who has lost a child (it's not easy - sometimes I can't deal with myself!), this may make it a little easier. I send you all my thoughts and many hugs!

After losing Silas.... scratch that. I went into labor with Silas at 26 weeks and 6 days. From that moment, I had people supporting me. Sending me prayers and well wishes. Always waiting on the edge of their seat for updates or sending me something to make me smile while I lived my life in the NICU, still sore from my c-section. Then came the dreaded status update, I'll never forget it. "Baby Silas passed away this morning in Mommy & Daddy's arms." No one expected it because I had been updating about how well he was doing. We didn't expect it until that phone call at 5:10 in the morning that something was going wrong, that my baby wasn't breathing well at all.

From that moment, I got hundreds (and I mean hundreds) of comments on facebook from friends and family and SO much love on twitter from all of my online friends. A facebook page was started in memory of Silas for family and friends to comment on specifically for us. Though not as active, it is still going and I still get loving comments on it or I post on it from time to time.

All of this support. All on my online friends. They are what have gotten me through. They were and are still supporting me and asking me how I'm doing, daily. I have made so many friends on twitter that make me smile on a daily basis. If I'm really down or having a panic attack, it's all a tweet away and I will get 10 tweets to cheer me up or to help me through my panic attack. From these people, so far away! Some of them live in Canada, Hawaii, Florida.. they are states away and they are my bridge. They hold me up on a daily basis. If you are on twitter, you can tweet with the hashtag #PPDChat and there are hundreds of women on there dealing with child loss or post partum depression.  You are not alone. And you do not have to lose a child to be dealing with ppd. Get help.

You cannot get through childloss without support. A lot of you are lucky to have family to support you. Let them support you. It hurts like hell. No one knows what to say. You are going to want to be alone. But you are NOT alone. I got and still get messages from family or tweets from other moms that have lost children. It really gives you hope because for a long time, you don't think things are going to get better. I'm on the edge of hoping things are going to get better still to this day. And if no one else is, I am here for you.

With medication, I am feeling much better than I was a few months ago, or even a month ago. Without medication? I would be in a mental hospital. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING HELP.

Please never, ever hesitate to email me or tweet me on twitter if you need support. Not only for childloss, but for anything. I am here to listen and I will talk to you. If you have questions about what happened with either my son or my miscarriage or anything, you are more than welcome to ask me anything. I know people are afraid to hurt my feelings, but you won't. I'm an open book and I am here to share my story. I am not ashamed of my son or my baby journey. I love talking about my kids!

I will write more specifically about grief in another post because that is a huge, huge post in itself. I am still grieving my son and I am definitely still grieving my miscarriage. I am still receiving so much support to get better for both things. I am loved.

xoxox, Stephine :)

 

Dustin might just kill me...

1) If I had to pick one food to live on for a month, what would it be?
 Cookies and milk.
[thanks babe.]

2) What would you choose for yourself?
 Chicken Burritos from Taco Bell.

3) What is your favorite childhood memory?
Playing Pokemon Yellow with my cousin.

4) What is your favorite physical feature of mine?
 Feet.
[whaaat? ew.]

5) What is your favorite personality trait of mine?
"That you're dumb. 'Cause it's funny."
[seriously...no editing that one. he said that!]

6) If you had to pick a cartoon character that reminded you of me, which one would it be?
Angelica from Rugrats.

7) What movie has made you laugh like no other?
Step Brothers.

8) What is your favorite quote/scene from that movie?
Boats and Hoes.

9) Describe me in one word.
After hearing about 283472 insults, I have decided to leave this one blank.
Way to go baby!
Oh my..

So excited about this link up! Dustin however is not is too!  xoxo Meghan  [link up is on tuesday! i just didn't wanna wait and schedule it :)]

School Overwhelms Me to no end...

I wrote something similar to this for my speech class, and I decided to post something on here as well. Keep in mind this is an added on to outline from my speech class....not the best post! Suicide is soemthing that touched close to home to me for many reasons. 

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According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, 

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among those 15-24 years old.

You shouldn't die this young, and no one, should every feel the need to take their own life.

I always swore to myself growing up that I would never become just another negative statistic.

Imagine This.
You wake up disoriented. You can’t see much. There are spiders everywhere and your arms and legs are throbbing. Now you’re in a room with some doctors, the keep saying things about the hospital. Next thing you know, You walk into a hospital. Security takes you and makes you say goodbye to your parents. You realize you are leaving everything you know. You get searched. You get put into a room with someone. They introduce themselves. That’s your roommate. They have cuts and stitches all over their neck and arms. Suddenly you’re terrified as you realize they tried to kill themselves like that. You start to wonder if everything you originally thought was worth it at the time. Should I really have taken all those pills? Did I really need to make those cuts? Was my life that bad? You want to run. But now, you’re stuck.

This is what suicide did to me.

With that, I want you to know that,

I believe in happiness, never being truly alone, and love.

-Happiness

First, I want to tell you about my happiness. Before my Dad died, I found happiness in every aspect of my life. After he died it slowly went downhill. I noticed other people’s happiness changing around me. It seemed inevitable. In the hospital I learned that you need to find happiness in the small things. All the time. My happiness changed from laughing with best friends, movies, sleepovers, and video games. To coloring books, daily phone calls home, and watching Alvin and the Chipmunks for good behavior. That’s happiness in the psych ward. Sitting in a room with 4 other people, no one touching, watching a movie rated PG and having our nightly snack and medicine run. That was our idea of a good time. My life drastically changed when I left the hospital. I love life. I love seeing other people happy. And I love being happy.

-Never being truly alone

I always thought I was alone, and I realized that I have friends, and family who love me.  There are strangers around you that 100% truly care about you. Most of you don’t know me, but I am there for you. And you always have God. I never really believed in God until one day we had a “Rap with the Chap” session. The hospital Chaplain came in and had 1 on 1 time with us. He told me that it is okay to need alone time. It’s okay to grieve. But it is never okay to push people away. Especially when you need them the most. He opened my eyes to God and showed me that even in our darkest, most alone times, God is always there.

-Love

You know the song, “All You Need Is Love” by the Beatles? I think they were on to something. Whether you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, children, best friend or pet; you always have love by your side. I believe in loving, and loving with your whole heart. Why love someone or something just a little bit? If you know me, you know I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I will put everyone, even strangers, above myself. And who has a love for us greater than we know? God. He will never back down, he will always love you.

With all that said, I believe with Happiness, Never truly being alone, and love,
we can significantly increase enjoyment with life and never get in the position I was once in.

You will be okay, things change, and things truly will get better!

 Nothing is ever worth hurting yourself, or worse.

Don’t let yourself become a statistic. You are so much more than that.

(scroll to bottom and turn music off to hear this song!)


xoxo Meghan